Destiny's Journey

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Many blessings,
~Dez

Scriptures

For the past five years now I have been living on scriptures like air to breathe, water to thrive and a floatation device to survive.

Sustaining me; engaging me; pertaining specifically to me.

Reminding me, denying me, aligning me with hope.

For five years now I've been living on scriptures: like air, like water, like floating...

For GOD has not given the SPIRIT of Fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND. Leaving behind the same old doubts and boughts of uncertainty.

Pushing myself with power, loving my self anew - each and every hour, reminding my mind it's Ok. Everything will be OK.

For five years now I've been living on scriptures: breathing, thriving, surviving...

A [Woman's] heart devises [her] plan: but the LORD directs [her] steps. All bets are off, though I may be off in thinking I'll pull this off, I'm pushing on and on and on to the end.

Make plain my plan, don't stray my steps: adhere, revere, sincerely refraining from fear.

For five years now and hope for five more - No Fear, FEAR NOT. Love me, Love me NOT, strength like a boy scout square knot, I'll NOT give into to the knots within my stomach from fear, FEAR NOT.

For five years now and hope for five more - the plan, the steps, like a staircase up; baby steps, step up, step it up a notch; the goal, the dream, that seems undoable: undone; the way and the plan to final completion.

(II Timothy 1: 7/Proverbs 16:9)

"The Plan"

These are the confessions of a talented, hard-working, creative genius with purpose (formerly known as an irresponsible, flaky and distracted "mentally gifted minor" with so much potential).

I'm putting this plan out into the world, out into the "universe" and laying it all in God's hands. I am now accountable if only to the imaginary few whom I believe will see and read this post.

1. I will pursue all efforts to secure my settlement and the sale of my property in order that I can pay off the final amounts of all my outstanding debt so that I can be emotionally and financially free to...
2. ...work hard at my creative, flexible "job" in order to pay my regular, minimum monthly household expenditures of $1000 and have the time and ability to...
3. ...build my "career" and entrepreneurial endeavors so that I will have the foundation and finances necessary to...
4. ...pursue all necessary speaking engagements, pilot programs and fund-raising opportunities that would lay the ground work for and...
5. ...establish the ultimate goal of opening the Destination Christian Arts Academy, its auxiliaries and all the associated D.R.E.A.M. programs.

Proverbs 16:9 "Man devises his plan, but the Lord directs his steps."

The Problem

I was afraid. I was fragile. I was insecure. I was worried.
(The Lord has not given the spirit of FEAR, but of Power and of Love and of a Sound Mind)

I was afraid of the awesome tasks before me. I was afraid of what the world might think of me. I was afraid of condemnation. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of success. Worse - I was afraid of me.

The Lord has not given the spirit of Fear.

I was so fragile and weak. I blew in the direction of every show of support. I tried to please. I tried to appease. I tried with no strength to do, to speak up, to stand up and so I shut up and put up with and followed every direction offered as a show of support.

POWER

I was insecure and lacked the confidence of my own convictions. How could I convince others of this great idea when I was so unsure of it? How could I present this idea as memorable and worthwhile when I was too busy asking if it was instead of delivering it as such. Who else would embrace this venture if I was too ashamed to embrace it myself?

LOVE

I was consumed with worry. What would everyone think? What if I fell flat on my face? What if I convinced everyone of this great idea that turned out not to be so great? What if this wasn't really the will of God? What if I really couldn't do what I really wanted to do? What if I couldn't convince anyone that this was my purpose and a good purpose for them too? Apparently I wasn't, I hadn't, I didn't.

SOUND MIND

And so I perpetuated my own fears, my own weakness, my own insecurities and my own anxiety.

I was afraid of what my family would think of me and so my family was fearful for me.
I was weak and weary and so the lawyer stepped in and was strong for me.
I was insecure and dependant on my friends and so my friends enabled me out of love.
I was worried about the future of this organization and so all progress stopped.

For One Whole Year.

But GOD has not given the SPIRIT of fear but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND

Now I am no longer afraid, but stepping out on faith - my family is still fearful of my failure.
Now I am strengthened like the wings of eagles - but the lawyer still sees me as weak and fragile.
Now I am assured of my purpose in life - by my friends still struggle to see my worth.
Now I am anxious to get this thing going - "the blessings of the Lord come with ease and peacefulness."

Peace, love and happiness? Yes...
POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND

The History

Since its inception in 2003, Destination Christian Services, Inc. has had a rocky if not stoic onset.

I realize it is because I am doing it all by myself.

Initially I had to choose several names to be officers on the Articles of Incorporation. I tried to choose names of individuals who love me, supported me and who may at one point be willing to participate in this project with me.

I chose husband, brother-in-law (BIL), 2 best friends and 1 friend and her husband. The friend and her husband were apparently not friends and we did not see eye-to-eye and so, they were the first to go. Replaced with Godsister and a male friend of BIL who had expressed a deep belief in Christ. Godsister lives a deep belief in Christ and moved to Washington to become a teacher at a Christian school. She is the second to go. She is replaced by BIL's girlfriend who expressed a deep desire to one day work with kids in the area of dance. BIL's male friend is unreachable - did he read packet? I don't know. Did he receive emails? I don't know. Talk to him in person? "Yeah, yeah - let's get together and you can tell me what it's all about." Read the packet... read the email. Never mind. He was the third to go. Replaced with a tennis student of the hubby who has a growing belief in Christ. BIL's girlfriend quits dancing and gets a job in the health field.

Am I really doing this all by myself?

The hubby couldn't tell you anything about this organization - probably not even the name. The BIL couldn't tell you anything about this organization - not even the name. BIL's girlfriend couldn't tell you anything about this organization - definitely not even the name! 2 best friends, probably would try to tell you a little about this organization and would try to remember the name - but could not. They both have supported individual activities as best they could. Yikes! There was an Auntie too... where is Auntie? We've both forgotten about each other. The hubby's student probably would be an excellent member if I had something strong enough for her to be a member of. I have no active Board of Directors.

I am really doing this all by myself.

When you incorporate, the government gives you approximately 2 years before they take a look to see that you are not trying to fraud the system. If you are a non-profit they may give you a little leeway on time, but if they think you are defrauding the system financially, the penalties are steep. I decide I'd better apply for my non-profit status before they take a look and decide I need an audit. I pay a lawyer $1000 to take a look at my organizational structure and tell me if it's a viable venture and to help me apply for the 501.c3 status. That's all.

The lawyer - a very cool young woman - takes my $1000 and says that for that cost (even though she ordinarily charges $250 an hour) she will help me with the 501.c3 application, hire an accountant for the financial information, train my Board of Directors and... by the way, if I DON'T pursue this organization I am "doing myself and the world a great disservice." I am totally smitten and my fragile, damaged, insecure ego is boosted right over the last edge of confidence obstacle I had. Apparently it must have for her too.

Because as I started growing and becoming more confident, so did she! She began to instruct me, give me homework and check up on me. Call these people, ask them these questions. Look up this website, send them this email, create this program and enlist these people. Yea, OK. I mean, she was helping, right? She was supporting, right? She was motivating me, right? She was giving me the (basically free) benefit of all her experience, right? Right. Or so I thought.

However, she was not... reading any of the information I sent her on the organization as it was currently designed. She was not at all doing any of the work on, nor had she even read the 501.c3 application. She could not answer any of my questions on the application and, I could not follow through with the accountant until I got answers to some of the previous questions. She did not help with the application. Finally, she could not, or would not provide training to the Board in the format in which they were already used to dealing with DCS. She wanted a face to face. Nope - won't happen. She wanted a video conference. Ha! Fat chance. She wanted a telephone conference call. Nice try. How about email and back it up with a mailed copy? Nope. No can do. Is she the 4th to go?

May as well, I seem to be doing this all by myself.

I held my first fund-raiser. Wow, I did it all by myself! My first accomplishment in this crazy venture. I wanted to hold a poetry contest for teens. No poets submitted. So, I requested of my BoD to turn in their favorite, most inspirational scripture. Only a few responded. So I enlisted friends, other family and Mom & Dad. I was intent on getting 12 scriptures. I finally did, including my own and created the official "Destination Inspiration" T-shirt. It was a giveaway for donations. The online, weekend event commenced. Mom & Dad weighed in, Aunts & Uncles weighed in. Cousins weighed in. 1 (best friend) Board Member weighed in. Grand total: $500. A very good showing for a first fund-raiser... right?

Right. T-shirts cost: $350; spent $100 to buy items for 20 personal care kits and distributed them to a teen homeless shelter. Probably spent the last $50 on postage to send each person who donated as well as each board member (and the lawyer) a T-shirt. I even sent the former friends/former board members t-shirts. Thanks for your previous "service" - look what I'm accomplishing all by myself.

I am doing this all by myself.

Forget the approval of former friends. Forget the support of current friends. Forget the skepticism of family. Forget the lawyer and all those satellite programs and suggestions. Forget and get a new BoD!

I am doing this by myself! That's The Problem... I am doing this all by myself.