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This blog has been evolved several times since its inception. It started as a platform for a writer's musings Then it became a witne...

Sunday, June 3, 2001

In The Beginning...

In the beginning... more than just the words to the beginning of the Bible, these are also the words to the beginning of one of my favorite songs. A song I performed back in the heyday of my life - like a has-been who dredges up stories of high school and that great pass, that great shot or that great prom as the highlight of their life.

I started out a singer, you see. The beginning of a me I'm still destined to be.

Back then the plan was to become a famous singer and then "they" would let me write and star in and do the soundtrack for my own movies.

I was multi-talented, multi-tasking and creative even then, but it was labeled as flaky, irresponsible, indecisive and flighty.

I began to buy the hype, believe the lies and diminish myself - striving or actually settling for security, safety and the slightest portion possible of what I was really capable.

You would have thought my environment breathed a sigh, finally I fit their box, stuck to their rules and maybe would now amount to something, anything really, because, as they acknowledged, I had so much talent, so much potential - I could do anything I wanted. Really?

That's not what I wanted! And like the opposite ends of a magnet - the friction, discord and dissatisfaction was too much for me; too much for them; and simply just too much.

And so I finally accepted me; learned to love me and re-prioritized the me I wanted me to be. I accepted my purpose and set out on the path toward my destiny. On the path to Destiny. The me, I was concealing was now a me living out loud. A me they refuse to acknowledge or understand.

I gathered up all my talents, abilities and skills and carried them into the core of me - straight into the very depths of Destiny to discover just what was my true destiny.

To be me. To give others all my missed opportunities. To teach teens how to live their own destinies. To recreate reality. To build an academy. To wake up a DREAM.

Like Noah and his arc I was given details, a design, specifications and goals. Given or got, made up or not, I had a plan. A wildly inconceivable, impossible plan.

Like Moses I was given a people with a task and a place and a message to lead them out. Given or got, made up or not, I could see a promised land. A wildly inconceivable, impossible to get to Promised Land.

And all by myself without one helping hand I've got to be strong and stand: on faith, on principle, on belief, on hope, on God - the way, the truth, the life. My foundation, my truth, my way and my life - that I can provide these kids with a foundation for their own truth and an ability to find a way to live their true purpose, their abundantly best life.

It started with an adamant joke of an idea for a small growing community. Don't build a library I thought at each sign for support on the corner posts. There's one so nearby that all the kids already utilize. Build instead a center, where kids can really commune and do the things they really like instead of just what adults decide is right.

This seed took root and grew deep and strong, drawing nourishment from the wellspring of life until finally the first leaves have appeared. It grows ever still and if this sapling can survive the coming storms, the trunk will then be strong enough to sustain and withhold. And the branches will spread and shed more seed, more shade, safety and protection. If only I can see it through to completion.

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This is a stationary post.

Destiny's Journey

Some journeys are well traveled roads. Common, familiar and easy. We cruise along the path oblivious to the process as we habitually turn each corner, climb each hill and break each slope. Only to arrive, blink and wonder how we managed without incident or memory of the trip.

This journey - my journey - is not like that. This journey is one of reluctance, hesitance, unsurity, insecurity and yes, a moderate amount of fear.

As I open the window for you to view my progress, you will undoubtedly come to your own conclusion based upon the progress of your own journey - and your observations will be varied.

Some might say that I am making slow but steady progress toward a clear destination. Others may say that I am floundering and wandering aimlessly down a muddy road with too many directions to choose from.

I say my journey has just begun, although it started more than 10 years ago. I say I still have such a long, long way to go, although I am teetering on the precipice of completion. I say the journey has made me weary, leery and weak, although I trudge on with a strength and endurance that is beyond me. I say the path is muddy, with many obstacles, directions and difficulties still yet to come. However, my destination is clear - crazy, unimaginable, overwhelming and clear.

When this path first appeared it was like a hazy, dirt road on a foggy day. I peered at it without knowing what it was or where it was going - then tried to ignore it as inconsequential. When the path persisted I joked as to where it might lead, then still tried to dismiss it as a path not meant for me.

It was years before the view of the path cleared and I was able to see the destination more clearly. It was absurd to think that the reality of where this path could end up would be in a place far more outlandish than even my most absurd imaginings! OK, maybe - just maybe this path ended up in a very good place - but a place still not meant for me. Definitely not me.

Why not me? Who else but me, since I was the only one to see? Please, Dear God, not me! Yes, me. This path was meant for me.

And so I watched it, argued with it, denied it and tried to imagine a life without pursuing it.

Four - no five, has it already been five? Five years ago I accepted it. I stuck out a big toe like testing the cold water of a pool - then yanked my foot back like I so often would. I wrote about it, dreamed about it, and tried it on for size in the privacy of my dressing room of life. And by the way, I still watched it, argued with it, denied it and tried to imagine a life without pursuing it.

Three - sorry, I forgot - Four years ago I made up my mind. I packed my bags, said good bye to the sanity and sanctuary of friends and family who always had thought they understood me, and I took my first hesitant and frightened step.

In these last four years I have walked, sometimes trotted, but never quite run toward a goal I think is crazy. I have stopped, I have even sat down and I have wistfully looked back to a time when I did not know and could not see what was meant for me.

But I will not stop. I packed my bags (all my baggage), and made up my mind. Armed with nothing but 2 scriptures and a great deal of hope, I continue to trudge on driven by the surity that if - just if - I happen to arrive at this awesome, fearsome destination, it will be extraordinary, phenomenal and inconceivably wonderful. This destination...

A destination, a journey to a place that is called destiny. My destiny. Destiny's purpose in life. My God given purpose.

Sometimes while we travel, we see another driver, glance in that direction and never take note or give them another thought. Perhaps that is how you will see me.

Sometimes we see another traveler and something catches our eye. We may watch a moment, muse a moment or even briefly wonder... Then they continue on their own separate way and thoughts of them fade as quickly as they do. Perhaps that will be how you see me.

Other times we get caught in traffic, bunched up with drivers because of fate. And whether we cruise along peacefully or struggle with road rage, we share a community of progress, each with our own destination. Perhaps that will be how you experience me.

And on rare occasion on our own individual roads of life, we travel a path where we encounter another driver - seemingly traveling to the same basic place. At times they follow us and then we follow them. We may take note of who they are and what they drive - possibly even read a licence plate. We'll share a moment or even a long while - silently and separately together, with maybe a glance, a smile or a brief a wave of acknowledgement. Perhaps that will be how you experience me.

I cannot say how long this path will be for me, so whether you glance and move on - never to take notice; or whether you wonder a moment at who I am and where I'm going; or whether you follow a while, smile and wave or better yet, if you decide to stay for the journey, I invite you to come along for the ride.

Please click on the "Stuff From Before" link to Destiny's Journey to make your comments.