Angel of Faith

I saw my faith today. And I didn’t help him; didn’t ask what he needed – I just shooed him away.

I saw my faith today and I dreamt about him last night. In my vision he was strong and confident, handsome and smiling at me. He was sitting on a bench as if waiting for the bus. I smiled and said hello. And when I turned again to point him out he had gone away.

I saw my faith today and I know it was him. In my lament the day before I had asked to see my faith just as Jesus had seen from those he’d healed. It was not ironic that he should appear today when I’d only just asked of him yesterday.

I saw my faith today and I didn’t even recognize him until it was too late.

He laid on my lawn, face to the fence, disheveled and a bit mismatched. Glasses covered his eyes from the light but not any light that shined from me. I told him my lawn was not the place to be. “Ok,” he said. “Ok?” I asked. “Yes, I’m Ok,” he replied and still I let my light hide.

I saw my faith today and regretted I’d left him once I got about a block away. I turned to return and ask how I could help or ask of his need. But when I was back my faith was nowhere to be seen.

I saw my faith today and I know it was him. I had asked to see where my faith lacked, and when I had the chance I forgot to ask and it was too late by the time I came back.

I saw my faith today and if he was just a bum, I met him not with love but instead with fear. I didn’t even ask of God to listen to what He would have me hear.

I saw my faith today and treated him with disgrace. If compassion had prevailed I would have treated him with God's sufficient grace.

I saw my faith today and gave him no compassion for his strength. My faith is weak and wanting and my fear keeps him from growing and showing what he’s capable of. I canceled his chance to do what he could, if I would have just show a little bit of love.

I saw my faith today and in my fear, I didn’t listen and couldn’t hear. And when I could have helped; could have given him increase, instead I sent him away.

Dear Faith, come back and if you will, with compassion I will generously add to your lack. And if I see my faith again someday – oh, Faith – Dear Faith, I pray; next time I’ll not send you away.

CONDEMNATION

Romans 8:1: "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

Really? Well, there shouldn't be. At least not amongst ourselves. If there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, why then do so many believers suffer such condemnation - especialy and mostly from other believers?

It's like when my mom would tell me to let my son do something I had already told him he couldn't. When I complained to her that she'd never had let me when I was his age and how could she go against my word - she told me that her father had done it to her and she didn't like it either.

As for the church, this situation is definitely not at all like dealing with a 4 year old and a grandmother handing out candy. No, in the church we're talking about what seems to be a public flogging - not for sin, but perhaps for disobedience or a misunderstanding, rumors, cliques or a bad message from a new minister. And in this public execution the convicted is given no trial, no defence and no opportunity for explanation. And not only that, the accused must take it without flinching, expression or complaint, I might add!

It's as if our church leaders and elders have suffered such condemnation themselves that they feel it is their duty and obligation to pass the buck.

Well, the buck stops here!

As a manager at AT&T (and a good one, I might add), I didn't much care for the trickle down theory. So long as my team was doing their job (and doing it it well, I might add), then whatever mess upper-management wanted me to harrass my team with, stayed right with me and they never heard it. Some management techniques are just unnessary in order to get the best out of your team.

Wouldn't it be nice if it were mandatory for Pastors and church leaders to attend the same management courses I did?

I think perhaps they hold on to Titus 1:13: "This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith;" as a justification for being harsh. But this scripture in Titus, let's not forget, is talking about the "many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision: Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake."

And so, if you go this route, be sure of it's usage, I might add - because, what goes around comes around... or in more biblical terms, you reap what you sow.

Or maybe the leaders are kind-of partial to a scripture in 1 Timothy chapter 5 as their justification. Verse 20 says: "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear." I get the rebuke before all part - but still, this scripture is talking about sin, people! And the bible is clear about what sin is. And, last I checked not being decent and in order is not listed as a sin.

Now, don't get me wrong I am not in anyway advocating disobedience amongst the church leadership. The bible does say to do things decently and in order and so that is what we must do. And there are requirements of leadership that are expressed in God's word that must be adhered to. Leadership must provide a specific example and must be accurate in their teachings and most not fall prey to spirits of gossip, lying or deception. Duh, sounds obvious to me.

But what seems not to be so obvious within the church, is how best to deal with such common needs of correction (that exist within and outside of the church, I might add).

But gee, I seem to remember a scripture about going to an individual first and if they don't listen and repent, then go before the church, then take it to the leaders. Hhmm...

Listen, all lessons are for the greater good - without a doubt. But some lessons are to learn what to do and others are to learn what NOT to do. All I can say is I know what I will NEVER do.

Never have, never will. The buck stops here - for me, there is and will not be any condemnation (at least not publicly) for them that are in Christ Jesus - and under my leadership, I might add.

Power, love & peace, People!
~Min. Dez

Just Shy; Not Shy!

Can you believe it!?

It is just shy of 6 months since my last post.

And boy, oh boy! So much has happened, so much has changed, so much is going on!

First let me say, what you are about to read is the manifestation of God at work! It is the realization of answered prayer and it is the premonition of FANTASTIC things to come!

So, I finished T.D. Jake's "Reposition Yourself" and it was the impetus for everything that has happened since then. It is also the reason you can disregard everything else written in my post 6 months ago!

1) On Nov. 17 the DCS, Inc. auxiliary company Jubilation! Weddings & Events did a 30/50 birthday party for a miserable client and her niece who both got drunk, got mean, got violent and passed out. Consequently the client did not pay the balance of her bill - $1000 - for 3 months, until I excused her of her debt and prayed for the unhappiness in her and her family's lives. Subsequently I have laid to rest that business venture. Not because of the client but because working during the prime hours I want to spend with my son is not the direction I want to move in.

2) During December my interim business with "Baby Signs, Inc." held a class of 3 adorable infants. One (who paid by check) dropped out inexplicably and the Destination Christian Services, Inc. merchant account would not accept payments from the other two who did complete* the class. Consequently I lost money on this class because of the rent I was paying for the facility and all the money spent on marketing (education) efforts. (*) One of my 2 students missed a class and car trouble, missing equipment and scheduling would not allow us to get a make up class rescheduled. Subsequently I have laid this business venture to rest. Not because of the clients, but because teaching infants to sign is definitely not the career I want to be known for at the end of my life.

3) Finally, the inherited 4-plex I was suffering with for almost 2 years, was sold! Praise God, hallelujah! We were able to refinance and afford our new house and set aside money for our retirement, J-man's college fund and make some investments as well. Consequently this also meant no more rent money coming in each month. And with no lucrative businesses desperation set in.

4) Just prior to finishing "Reposition Yourself" (after all of these circumstances had transpired) a girlfriend gave me Loral Langemeier's The Millionaire Maker's Guide to Building a Cash Machine for Life. Now this was what I had been repositioning myself for!

5) Long story short I devoured that book; devoured her 6 CD series "Expression of Your Power; devoured her first book "The Millionaire Maker"; attended her 2-day seminar in Dallas Texas and devoured 2 more of her CD series!

6) Since then I have changed! No more fear! Oh, trust me, it is GONE! I have a new mind-set, a new belief system, new goals, and a new plan for reaching those goals. I also have one less best friend; one new business partner, a husband who doesn't recognize nor understand his wife any longer; a toddler who is challenging the new me and is now in a new preschool, and a new professional mentor from The Family International Church in Pasadena, CA.

7) I also have new business ventures and activities. I have a new monthly column in The Family International Church newsletter - even though I do not attend the church! I have a new local business directory for minority & women owned businesses. I have a new speaking career in the works and I have a host of new literature I am currently finishing up and will be publishing between now and December of 2008 so I can launch a book tour and women's summit in 2009!

8) I have new websites coming - stay tuned. Right now you can check out www.hip2give.ning.com and soon there will be www.hipgiver.com and www.books4yourdestiny.com as well as the site for my inspirational speaking and women's summits: www.getliferightnow.com. Get ready world... big things are coming.

9) I have no limit thinking and a new joy in my life and a message that will renew and transform the hearts and minds of women everywhere. Believers shall not be deceived so long as I can help it! I have a message; I have hope and I have a vision. "Man devises his plan, but God directs his steps" Proverbs 16:3

10) Get ready world... big things are coming and I am no longer shy to say it!

It's Here: I'm Here.

I've been reading T.D. Jakes' "Repositioning Yourself" - I just started.

In reading it so far, I've been faced with two areas of thought.

On the one hand, I'm really proud of myself for what I've accomplished and how much I've done.

On the other hand, I am both saddened and energized at the thought of finally overcoming my barriers of fear! If I had been living so boldly at my first revelation of fear - truly bold and not hesitantly bold - how much more would I have accomplished? How much more can I accomplish and when can I once and for all eradicate the fear that is left??

My angst and anxiousness over this fear is like finding a cancerous lump just below the surface of my skin: I can feel it. I know it must come out. I want it out so badly I would cut it out myself if it weren't for the fear of pain or damage to myself.

Which is more palpable? The fear of the cancer of fear? The pain and damage of removing it myself? Or the fear that I will not find someone to do it for me in time - has it already spread; latching on to far too many areas of my life to actually remove it all?

I ask these questions because on the heels of excitement I feel the fear lingering; hovering; like a vulture; waiting for the failure so it can pounce, attack and feed on my moment of weakness.

Here I am.

I am living the life of my plans!!

(1) The settlement and the inheritance are finally about to come to a close. I will be able to pay my bills, pay the house, pay off the last of my debt and save for mine and my families futures.

(2) I am working that flexible, fun, daily "job" and once I begin to meet my monthly minimum, I will be able to cover our basic needs and the current bills, groceries, gas and so forth.

(3) I have received leads and a gig for my company. It is slowly growing and will help provide more for our daily needs as well as assist in the growth of the parent organization.

(4) I am boldly building the organization. Stepping out on faith and pushing it towards the goals that exist for it. I am pushing myself towards the goals I have placed on myself in order to bring this organization truly to a viable, fruit-bearing, fruition.

(5) And by pushing myself to do this I have completed some writing and will complete more and have actually finished the calendar fundraiser - my first published literary work of art.

It is Here.

And it is available now for sale: The 2008 Destination Inspiration "What If" Wall Calendar

So, if it is here, and I am here - both of us exactly where I'd like us to be. And more prayerfully, exactly where the Lord intends for us to be. Which means He has been answering my prayers for Proverbs 16:9 "Man devises his plan, but the Lord directs his steps." Yea, me!

And that is why the fear is hovering like a vulture. "For God has not given the spirit of fear; but of POWER, and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND."

It is the enemy that manufactures my fear and on the tail of my POWER through Christ, he launches a valiant and re-energized attempt to make me think the Lord doesn't love me enough to continue to answer, to bless, to guide me through to the end I foresee and therefore disrupting my peace of mind and effectively undermining and undercutting my power.

Shame, shame. Shame on me. Shame on fear. I must cut you out with a dull butter knife and praise the Lord almighty for the pain and the damage - knowing that it is through His strength that I will prevail!

I am prevailing!

It's Coming!

Oh, Hallelujah!


Remember me saying I'm gettin' it done, y'all?

Here it is for real - it's coming...

The 2008 Destination Inspiration "What If" Wall Calendar.

It's filled with incredible photography - not stock photos - real pictures taken by friends, family and... me. Like this one taken from the front seat of my mother's car while she was driving my son and me to the Sacramento airport.

And, it's got inspirational, scripture related poetry written by... me.

It will be the debut release from Destination Publications - a Destination Christian Services, Inc. auxiliary company. And it will be the 2007 fundraising item. Last year I made inspirational T-shirts and everyone who donated got one. We raised enough money to distribute blankets and personal care kits to teens at a local faith-based homeless shelter.

This year proceeds from our $20 calendar sales will go towards two things: 1) the implementation of our online academy, and 2) sponsoring 9-15 youth at a Christian youth golf clinic in December. Check back here later to find out more!

If any of you are pray-ers, pray for the implementation of the clinic. Or (shameless plug) order a calendar. They will be available for sale November 2nd... Oh, heck - why am I blogging? I've got more work to do!

(I'm gettin' it done y'all!)

Fear No Evil

Have we talked about fear?

It permeates like a bad smell you can't find.

You rampage through the garbage of your life - tossing out all that offends.

And the fear, like a bad smell, lingers...

You rampage on a cleaning binge, straightening up all that might be out of sorts.

And the fear, like a bad smell, rises above your efforts.

It hinders you.

It is an obstacle to interpersonal relationships.

It greets you at the door of each new day.

It wakes you in the night, disrupting peace and sleep.

It consumes you.

And it forces you towards one of two choices...

1) Desensitize; ignore and accept or
2) Recognize; eradicate and learn

Everyday I struggle to recognize the fear when it crops up in a new form;
Everyday I struggle to remember to eradicate the fear before it seeps deeper;
Everyday I struggle to learn how the fear began and keep it from coming back;

Everyday I smell the fear: foul, offensive and evil-
And everyday I'll scrub with the bleaching power of the spirit.

With the spirit, I'll fear no evil.

Doin' Thangs

Well, I'm doin' thangs y'all.
Planning, doing, talking, and asking.

I'm gettin' it done y'all.
Pass or fail, front and center, hiding no more.

I'm doin' it, and doin' it and doin' it - well...

I've set dates
I've written letters
I've had meetings
I've typed minutes
I've made plans
I've discussed plans
I've made programs
I've made contacts
I've written documents
I've updated webs

I still will make more contacts
I still will write more letters
I still will publish items
I still will pursue work
I still will pursue programs
I still will make plans
I still will have meetings
I still will follow through
I still will find a way

I'm handlin' biz'ness y'all
Gettin' it done.

Absent Yes; Absence No

So, I told you I was absent: disconnected from the source.

And I told I you I would fear no more and live my life with force.

I told you I had left a gap in communication and time

And how with determination I would finally claim what's mine.

What's mine is not material, but my true and spiritual gift

A choice to be and do and give and mend my inner rift

And so I did connect and re-align myself with life

To concentrate on God and child and work, and being a wife

And the blessings have been coming steady and true

Blessings not material but in accomplishing all I do

So while I've still been absent, my absence is no more

I took my own advice and walked boldly through my door

Of busy hopes and tangible dreams from day to day to day

Just check my next blog, you'll see I've got so much more to say

Absence; The Absence

I've been absent far too long.

From this blog. From my life. From the Source.
From connecting with anyone outside of me.
From connecting with the power of the spirit within me.

Busy.
So busy.
Too busy connecting with fear.

Again.
And again I say, "Fear not."

Yesterday I awoke and determined I was tired. Emotionally and physically tired.
And I felt I had so many things I wanted to do; should do; and needed to do and had no time, nor the energy in which to do anything. And yet, hadn't I been busy doing something?

Then came a deeper dawning of a previous revelation: not only had some of the old fears crept subconsciously back in, but I instantly identified another aspect of my fear. And it suddenly seemed so pointless, useless, and an insult to the God who created me to be and do all the things I want to; should do and need to do.

My life is going to end one day just like everyone else's. And when it does, what will I have to account for before my Lord? And what will my son have to remember me by when I'm gone? He will not know my efforts; my desires or my dreams. He will only know the things I left behind - finished or not.

And so why shouldn't I boldly claim the power the Lord promises to me? Why shouldn't I step madly into the world, open my mouth and profess with out fear of recrimination, reproof or disdain, the purposes so dear to me?

Let them recriminate, reprove or disdain... what? My favor is in the eyes of the Lord.

And that evening a non-believing friend told me I was "glowing." Ha! Go figure! I boldly told him why. And he openly agreed that was probably a good reason for the glow.

And so, now continues the beginning of the daily transformation of what has always been.

I am a 41 year old wife, mother of a 2 year-old son and struggling entrepreneur.
I have two businesses that are barely active; I have two other businesses that are sadly inactive; I am a writer, attempting to become an author and I still manage to come up with at least one new idea or project every single day.

And, I am the President and Founder of a God-gifted vision.

Pray for me that I will soon be able to say - I am connected, confident and fearless too. Absent no more.

Black Butterfly

Today I saw the biggest butterfly I have ever seen. And of course, since I've not really seen a multitude of butterflies in my life, the size ratio of what I have seen compared to this one is extreme.

I can truly say that I have seen average sized butterflies and small butterflies and up until now, I would have said I had seen a large one (or two) as well. And that the larger ones were not necessarily that much larger than most, nor were they particularly more difficult to find than the others.

This gorgeous creature was probably 3 1/2 maybe even 4 inches tall with her wings fairly straight up and the width of her wings was about 3 inches at their widest.

And she had landed before me. And she didn't move. And she was all black with golden yellow markings and a yellow body.

And it was significant to me in an instant.

In the midst of a dirty street, on a not particularly bright and "beautiful" day, surrounded by (of all things) horse droppings - there was beauty. God's big, magnanimous beauty - in quiet, inconsequential peace, waiting to be enjoyed.

And I saw this butterfly as my blessings - my unfulfilled blessings and my yet as unanswered prayers.

She was as big as all my hopes and as extraordinary as all my dreams. And she had no fear. And she was joy and hope and beauty in the midst of all that was dirty and ugly.

And I took her as a sign - a sign I pray is true - I sign I pray I can hold on to...

That today is the beginning of all my biggest blessings come true.

Today is the beginning of all my biggest dreams come to fruition.

Today may have started in a very insignificant manner, and the mundane of today's activities may see the sun set equally as insignificant. But somewhere, somehow I am holding dear that today is the beginning of completion.

Today I saw the biggest butterfly I have ever seen.

I Shall Not Be Moved...

The enemy is fighting back today.

I've been feeling good, motivated and excited. I'm getting ready to publish the first literary works and products for the organization. Wow, a true and exciting accomplishment! And I'm so close, praising God I can see this portion of the dream coming to fruition.

The enemy does not want to see me overcome and walk in His will. He's fighting back today. Sparing like a desperate has-been, trying to take the up-and-coming rookie off guard. He's pulling big punches and hitting below the belt.

• Product Printing Obstacles
• Fussy Baby Blues
• Fighting Unfair Hubby
• My Mom's Denial Downer
• Crying Headache Hurting
• Toddler Tantrum Trouble
• Self-Doubt Dilemma

Recognize. Press On. Forgive. Move On. Keep on, keeping on. Hold On.

The Spokesman Formerly Known As...

I did it.

I wrote the letter.

I published the samples.

I compiled the items.

I put them in an envelope.

I found AN address.

I made a label.

I put on postage.

I said a prayer...

And I released that package into the wild, crazy, what-are-you-thinking, unknown realm of potential invisibility; embarrassment or worse; acceptance - that is currently known as: the mailbox.

"Gideon - this is my fleece."

I actually did it.
7/7/7

"The Plan"

These are the confessions of a talented, hard-working, creative genius with purpose (formerly known as an irresponsible, flaky and distracted "mentally gifted minor" with so much potential).

I'm putting this plan out into the world, out into the "universe" and laying it all in God's hands. I am now accountable if only to the imaginary few whom I believe will see and read this post.

1. I will pursue all efforts to secure my settlement and the sale of my property in order that I can pay off the final amounts of all my outstanding debt so that I can be emotionally and financially free to...
2. ...work hard at my creative, flexible "job" in order to pay my regular, minimum monthly household expenditures of $1000 and have the time and ability to...
3. ...build my "career" and entrepreneurial endeavors so that I will have the foundation and finances necessary to...
4. ...pursue all necessary speaking engagements, pilot programs and fund-raising opportunities that would lay the ground work for and...
5. ...establish the ultimate goal of opening the Destination Christian Arts Academy, its auxiliaries and all the associated D.R.E.A.M. programs.

Proverbs 16:9 "Man devises his plan, but the Lord directs his steps."

"The Accomplishment"

Proverbs 13:12 & 19a: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. A desire accomplished is sweet to the soul;"

In December 2003, I boldly took the steps to incorporate a non-profit idea I'd had for years. I jumped into this corporation head first. It is so unlike me! Usually I test the water, stick in a toe and yank it out. Then wade to my ankle, shudder and jump right out. Only to repeat the process until finally submerged in the water. Not this time.

This time I took a deep breath and plunged right in. I got my articles of incorporation: Destination Christian Services, Inc. I established my business licenses and the DBA's for all corporate auxiliaries: Jubilation! Full-Services Weddings & Events; Destination Publications; Mommy's Happy Helpers and more. I then got to work on and posted all the associated web pages: www.dcscompanies.com; www.destinationchristianservices.net; www.jubilationparties.com and www.mommyshappyhelpers.com. I got checking accounts, I got business cards, I made all my business documents and established advertising. All of it WAY... TOO... SOON!

Only months before incorporating, I had finally determined this idea was truly the will of the Lord Almighty. Within hours of that determination, I finally accepted that this idea was more than the will of the Lord, but that it was my one true, God given purpose in life. And minutes after that acceptance I was rocked with the magnitude and specific details of that plan and just exactly what was God's intention for it all.

But in one small way, I knew that I needed to jump right in or I would find a way to procrastinate and never get it done. Now I must back-track, jump-ahead and scramble for a way to get it all done and reach my ultimate goal

This is my scattered plan for achieving that specific and detailed, mind-boggling, will-of-God goal - the purpose for my life.

• Create and maintain all associated websites
• Create and complete the academy curriculum
• Create a sample lesson from the curriculum
• Create and publish all manuals and associated documentation
• Create and publish associated works for publication
• Create and establish speeches and evangelistic engagements
• Create and distribute all fund-raising related product
• Create and administer all satellite programs
• Create and maintain the online academy
• Create and produce all fund-raising events
• Create and utilize all scholarship programs
• Create membership programs and establish a solid Board of Directors
• Create and complete all necessary legal and financial documentation
• Create and establish all sponsorship programs
• Create and implement all student recruitment programs
• Create and maintain all aspects of advertisement and networking
• Create and continue; continue to create; create and complete.

II Corinthians 9:7-15 "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work: (As it is written, He hath dispersed abroad; he hath given to the poor: his righteousness remaineth for ever. Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both minister bread for your food, and multiply your seed sown, and increase the fruits of your righteousness;) Being enriched in every thing to all bountifulness, which causeth through us thanksgiving to God. For the administration of this service not only supplieth the want of the saints, but is abundant also by many thanksgivings unto God; Whiles by the experiment of this ministration they glorify God for your professed subjection unto the gospel of Christ, and for your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men; And by their prayer for you, which long after you for the exceeding grace of God in you. Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift."