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This blog has been evolved several times since its inception. It started as a platform for a writer's musings Then it became a witne...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Absence; The Absence

I've been absent far too long.

From this blog. From my life. From the Source.
From connecting with anyone outside of me.
From connecting with the power of the spirit within me.

So busy.
Too busy connecting with fear.

And again I say, "Fear not."

Yesterday I awoke and determined I was tired. Emotionally and physically tired.
And I felt I had so many things I wanted to do; should do; and needed to do and had no time, nor the energy in which to do anything. And yet, hadn't I been busy doing something?

Then came a deeper dawning of a previous revelation: not only had some of the old fears crept subconsciously back in, but I instantly identified another aspect of my fear. And it suddenly seemed so pointless, useless, and an insult to the God who created me to be and do all the things I want to; should do and need to do.

My life is going to end one day just like everyone else's. And when it does, what will I have to account for before my Lord? And what will my son have to remember me by when I'm gone? He will not know my efforts; my desires or my dreams. He will only know the things I left behind - finished or not.

And so why shouldn't I boldly claim the power the Lord promises to me? Why shouldn't I step madly into the world, open my mouth and profess with out fear of recrimination, reproof or disdain, the purposes so dear to me?

Let them recriminate, reprove or disdain... what? My favor is in the eyes of the Lord.

And that evening a non-believing friend told me I was "glowing." Ha! Go figure! I boldly told him why. And he openly agreed that was probably a good reason for the glow.

And so, now continues the beginning of the daily transformation of what has always been.

I am a 41 year old wife, mother of a 2 year-old son and struggling entrepreneur.
I have two businesses that are barely active; I have two other businesses that are sadly inactive; I am a writer, attempting to become an author and I still manage to come up with at least one new idea or project every single day.

And, I am the President and Founder of a God-gifted vision.

Pray for me that I will soon be able to say - I am connected, confident and fearless too. Absent no more.

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This is a stationary post.

Destiny's Journey

Some journeys are well traveled roads. Common, familiar and easy. We cruise along the path oblivious to the process as we habitually turn each corner, climb each hill and break each slope. Only to arrive, blink and wonder how we managed without incident or memory of the trip.

This journey - my journey - is not like that. This journey is one of reluctance, hesitance, unsurity, insecurity and yes, a moderate amount of fear.

As I open the window for you to view my progress, you will undoubtedly come to your own conclusion based upon the progress of your own journey - and your observations will be varied.

Some might say that I am making slow but steady progress toward a clear destination. Others may say that I am floundering and wandering aimlessly down a muddy road with too many directions to choose from.

I say my journey has just begun, although it started more than 10 years ago. I say I still have such a long, long way to go, although I am teetering on the precipice of completion. I say the journey has made me weary, leery and weak, although I trudge on with a strength and endurance that is beyond me. I say the path is muddy, with many obstacles, directions and difficulties still yet to come. However, my destination is clear - crazy, unimaginable, overwhelming and clear.

When this path first appeared it was like a hazy, dirt road on a foggy day. I peered at it without knowing what it was or where it was going - then tried to ignore it as inconsequential. When the path persisted I joked as to where it might lead, then still tried to dismiss it as a path not meant for me.

It was years before the view of the path cleared and I was able to see the destination more clearly. It was absurd to think that the reality of where this path could end up would be in a place far more outlandish than even my most absurd imaginings! OK, maybe - just maybe this path ended up in a very good place - but a place still not meant for me. Definitely not me.

Why not me? Who else but me, since I was the only one to see? Please, Dear God, not me! Yes, me. This path was meant for me.

And so I watched it, argued with it, denied it and tried to imagine a life without pursuing it.

Four - no five, has it already been five? Five years ago I accepted it. I stuck out a big toe like testing the cold water of a pool - then yanked my foot back like I so often would. I wrote about it, dreamed about it, and tried it on for size in the privacy of my dressing room of life. And by the way, I still watched it, argued with it, denied it and tried to imagine a life without pursuing it.

Three - sorry, I forgot - Four years ago I made up my mind. I packed my bags, said good bye to the sanity and sanctuary of friends and family who always had thought they understood me, and I took my first hesitant and frightened step.

In these last four years I have walked, sometimes trotted, but never quite run toward a goal I think is crazy. I have stopped, I have even sat down and I have wistfully looked back to a time when I did not know and could not see what was meant for me.

But I will not stop. I packed my bags (all my baggage), and made up my mind. Armed with nothing but 2 scriptures and a great deal of hope, I continue to trudge on driven by the surity that if - just if - I happen to arrive at this awesome, fearsome destination, it will be extraordinary, phenomenal and inconceivably wonderful. This destination...

A destination, a journey to a place that is called destiny. My destiny. Destiny's purpose in life. My God given purpose.

Sometimes while we travel, we see another driver, glance in that direction and never take note or give them another thought. Perhaps that is how you will see me.

Sometimes we see another traveler and something catches our eye. We may watch a moment, muse a moment or even briefly wonder... Then they continue on their own separate way and thoughts of them fade as quickly as they do. Perhaps that will be how you see me.

Other times we get caught in traffic, bunched up with drivers because of fate. And whether we cruise along peacefully or struggle with road rage, we share a community of progress, each with our own destination. Perhaps that will be how you experience me.

And on rare occasion on our own individual roads of life, we travel a path where we encounter another driver - seemingly traveling to the same basic place. At times they follow us and then we follow them. We may take note of who they are and what they drive - possibly even read a licence plate. We'll share a moment or even a long while - silently and separately together, with maybe a glance, a smile or a brief a wave of acknowledgement. Perhaps that will be how you experience me.

I cannot say how long this path will be for me, so whether you glance and move on - never to take notice; or whether you wonder a moment at who I am and where I'm going; or whether you follow a while, smile and wave or better yet, if you decide to stay for the journey, I invite you to come along for the ride.

Please click on the "Stuff From Before" link to Destiny's Journey to make your comments.